SMILE OR LAUGH

A Chinese & Spielberg

2007-11-16T16:40:00.001-08:00

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one
night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes
over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says,
"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get
outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the
Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the
Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same,"
replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and
says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on
that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg
that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg,
you're all the same."
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in
a competition organized in Britain and this joke was
sent by an INDIAN ... !!!

Don't copy if you can't paste

2007-10-21T18:31:00.000-07:00

A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd's attention, said,
"The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife !"

The crowd was shocked!

He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"

The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.

About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training decided to use that joke at his house. He
tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring.

After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager
finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was !"

As expected, he got thrashing of his life time....

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste

A Wife's Work

2007-05-31T00:55:00.000-07:00

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total
mayhem in his house. His three children were outside,
still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty
food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door
to the house. Proceeding into the entry,
he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded
against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring
a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys
and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was
spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor,
a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of
sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more
piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may
be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her
lounging in the bedroom, still curled in bed in her pajamas,
reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how
his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked,
"What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered,
"You know every day when you come home from work
and ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes" was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!!!"

Newspaper Classifieds, Funny Advertisements

2007-05-27T19:28:00.001-07:00

Funniest News paper Classifieds (Actual extracts from classified
sections of city newspapers)

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. (man….if only I knew A B C….)

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll
never go anywhere again.
(sure…thanx for the warning!)

3. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. (check it out)

4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. (howwww sweeeet)

5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)

6. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey….who taught cows the bad habit??)

7. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by
hand. (nice work!)

White Hair

2007-05-15T06:24:00.000-07:00

>One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Then why are ALL of grandma's hairs white?"

Smart Old Woman

2007-05-09T18:42:00.000-07:00

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding.... ......
Older Woman: "Is there a problem, Officer?"
Officer: "Ma'am, you were speeding."
Older Woman: "Oh, I see."
Officer: "Can I see your license please?"
Older Woman: "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
Officer: "Don't have one? "
Older Woman: "Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. "
Officer: "I see.......Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. "
Older Woman: "I can't do that. "
Officer: "Why not? "
Older Woman: "I stole this car. "
Officer: "Stole it? "
Older Woman: "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner."
Officer: "You what? "
Older Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: "Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!" The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: "Is there a problem sir?"
Officer 2: "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
Older Woman: "Murdered the owner? "
Officer 2: "Yes, would you open the trunk of your car, please."
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: "Is this your car, ma'am?"
Older Woman: "Yes, of course, here are the registration papers." The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a driver's license and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: "Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner."
Older Woman: "Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too."

How the company views its employees. (HE VS SHE)

2007-04-27T18:59:00.000-07:00

1. The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.

The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.

2. HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.

HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain

3. HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal

SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.

4. HE's not at his desk.
He must be at a meeting.

SHE's not at her desk.
She must be in the ladies' room.

5. HE's not in the office.
He's meeting with customers.

SHE's not in the office.
She must be out shopping.

6. HE's having lunch with the boss.
He's on his way up.

SHE's having lunch with the boss.
They must be having an affair.

7. The boss criticised HIM.
He'll improve his performance.

The boss criticized HER.
She'll be very upset.

8. HE got an unfair deal.
Did he get angry?

SHE got an unfair deal.
Did she cry?

9. HE's getting married.
He'll get more settled.

SHE's getting married.
She'll get leave.

10. HE's having a baby.
He'll need a raise.

SHE's having a baby.
She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.

11. HE's going on a business trip.
It's good for his career.

SHE's going on a business trip.
What does her husband say?

12. HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognise a good
opportunity.

SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not dependable

Thank you my Net Friends

2007-04-09T01:56:00.000-07:00

I want to thank all my friends and other unknown people who have
forwarded chain letters to me in 2006.

Because of your kindness:

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good only for
removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected
with AIDS

I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they
cause cancer.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to
dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to
Uganda , Singapore and Tokyo.

I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will get sick
from the rat shit and urine.

When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl, no matter how hot she
is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my
kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl
that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl !
she's been 7 since 1993...)

My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a
paid vacation to Disneyland .

Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, Ganesh
Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..

Now most of those "Wishes" are already married (to someone else) !

How to Identify the City you are in....

2007-02-21T16:45:00.000-08:00

Scenario 1

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comesalong, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.You are in Kolkata.

Scenario 2

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comesalong, sees them and walks on.That's Mumbai.

Scenario 3

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & triesto make peace. The first two get together & beat him up.That's Delhi.

Scenario 4

Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai stallThat's Ahmedabad.

Scenario 5

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comeshe writes a software programm to stop the fight ..but the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the programThats Bangalore !!!!

Scenario 6

Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.A guy comes along and quietly says that "ANA" doesn'tlike all this non sense, Peace comes in.That's Chennai.

Scenario 7

Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out andcall their friends on mobile.Now 50 guys are fighting.You are in Chandigarh.

Survey Report

2007-01-20T17:42:00.000-08:00

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure,

In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,

In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,

In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,

In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,

In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,

In South America , they didn't know what 'please' meant,

And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!

Love Questionnaire

2006-12-04T16:34:00.000-08:00

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.
My Dearest Reshma, Please answer the following questionnaire.
For Options (a) 10 marks, (b) 5marks and (c) 3 marks.

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... am I doing it?

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

4) When you were showing your child photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 AM because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom.
If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not .

Eagerly awaiting your reply..

love,
Aakash

===============================================
Reply
*****
Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format........
Aakash,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes
(b) No

2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes
(b) No

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?
(a) Yes
(b) No

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.You poked your nose inside..... Right
(a) Yes
(b) No

5) I avoided holding your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes
(b) No

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?
(a) Yes
(b) No

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes
(b) NO

8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?
(a) Yes
(b) No

9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know?
(a) Yes
(b) No

If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I do not love you.
If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love

Suar ka Baccha

2006-12-04T16:30:00.000-08:00

One day Laloo was traveling by his car.

He was going to a village for campaigning. Suddenly a piglet came before
the car. The driver couldn't hit the brake at the right time and
unfortunately the baby pig was killed in the accident.

At the sight Laloo was deeply moved and felt very upset. He called the
driver and said,"Jiska e suuar hai hum usko compensesan dena chahta
hoon. Usko dhundke lao".

At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after
some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and
lots of money in his hands!!!

Laloo was surprised. He asked,"Hum tumko kaha tha ke uss aadmi ko laiye,
aur tum aise wapas aaye ho! Baat kya hai?"

At this the driver replied " I told them about the incident. Hearing it
they were rejoiced, put tilak and garlands on me, then danced for some
time and gave this money."

Laloo then asked him "Aap unko eg-jectly kaa bola?"

The driver replied:

"Main bola, mein Laloo Prasad Yadav ka driver hoon, maine suaar ke
bachhe ko mar dala hai......... ."

NEW QUOTES

2006-12-03T22:59:00.000-08:00

If you love someone.... Original vs New

ORIGINAL QUOTE

If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....

THE NEW VERSIONS.... .

Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back within some time
forget her.

Patient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait
until she comes back ...

Playful:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
* If she comes back,
and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat *

C++ Programmer:
if(you-love( m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she= new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second
Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act
clearly states that...

Bill Gates :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
but tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

Biologist :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve.

Statisticians : (Apte)
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you,
the probability of her coming back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable anyway.

Schwarzenegger' s fans:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!

Over possessive person:
If you love someone
don't set her free.

HR specialist:
If you love someone
set her free by
Offering her VRS and other benefits
Then outsource her.

Wat a Confusion

2006-11-29T18:43:00.000-08:00

> Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
> Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
> Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
> Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to
> me. Who is this?
> Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
> Operator: I know you are someoneand you want to talk to anyone! But
> what's this urgent matter about?
> Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wanthat our brother Noe Wan
> was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is
> beingsent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the
> hospital.
> Operator : Look, if no onewas injured and no onewas sent to the
> hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this
> hilarious but I don't have time for this!
> Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
> Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
> Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
> Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..
> Caller: Oh ......God!!! !

11 september

2006-11-29T18:12:00.000-08:00

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept: Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that........
Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

Another Joke

2006-11-29T17:54:00.000-08:00

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."

The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks:
"How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours."

The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half."

The guy leaves.

The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the
shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing
hysterically.

The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house."

ARE U BORED?

2006-11-14T17:40:00.000-08:00

If u r feeling bored, try these things.

Act like you just met your friend for the first time
***
Announce your candidacy for President
***
Annoy total strangers
***
Ask a question nobody can answer
***
Bark at people in the grocery store
***
Be a monk...for a day
***
Burp the Happy Birthday song
***
Change your name...daily
***
Dare to be stupid
***
Exorcise a ghost
***
Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov Cocktail
***
Go to your local museum, and try to get kicked out
***
Hold your hand
***
Insist everyone calls you “Your highness”
***
Kiss your elbow, if you can
***
Practice your arm pit farting skills
(Advanced participants try with your hand cupped on the back of your knee)
***
Pretend you are God
***
Read a book a sentence a day
***
Scratch yourself - Go ahead, scratch yourself now.
Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?
***
Throw a huge party for no reason at all
***

WORDS WOMEN USE

2006-11-14T17:34:00.000-08:00

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

Proud to be an Indian

2006-11-13T05:45:00.000-08:00

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to china.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in japan. There, at a very large
cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

"O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to pakistan, srilanka, russia, Germany and France.

In every church he saw the same golden telephone
with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided
to travel to up to India to see if Indians had the same phone.

He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
"Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone
in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven,
but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a local call".

A Woman's Secret.........

2006-11-13T05:40:00.000-08:00

There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a
shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband
never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day
the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not
recover....
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the
shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money
totalling $25,000.
He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the
secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you,
I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears.
Only two precious dolls were in the box.
She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving.
He almost burst with happiness......

"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this
money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling all the dolls..."

MEN & WOMEN

2006-11-13T01:34:00.000-08:00

Men and Women

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck withothers.

Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just “An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you.

FEW LINES 4 U

2006-11-13T01:24:00.000-08:00

.
A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but
a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her
LIPS are CLOSED.

2.
One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3.
Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4.
Love your friends not their sisters. Love your
sisters not their friends.

5.
A man got 2 wishes from GOD.
He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6.
What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says "YOU are the BEST
KISSER among all your Friends."

7.
Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No,we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

9.
Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10.
When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask
him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in
Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11.
Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per
Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

DONT TAKE OTHERWISE

2006-11-10T17:16:00.000-08:00

Coolest doubt in Mahabharat

In some remote village of India, one masterji is
teaching the

Mahabharat katha to class 6 students.

He is at the krishnajanma' part of it. Masterji:
"Kansa heard the

akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill
him.

He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki
behind the bars.

First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning...

Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain
peak. Third one

is born." Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts
up his hand.

Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)

Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt
in Mahabharata

then how come u have one?"

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child
was going to

kill

him,

WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME
CELL ??

Masterji fainted.........................

HOW 2 CATCH A LION

2006-11-10T16:57:00.000-08:00

How to catch a Lion:
>
>Newton's Method:
>Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is
>equal and opposite reaction.Implies you caught lion
>
>Einstein Method:
>Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.Due to higher relative
>velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
>Now you
>can trap it easily.
>
>Schrodinger Method:
>At any given moment, there is a positive probability that lion to be in
>the cage. So set the trap, sit down and wait.
>
>Inverse Transformation Method:
>We place a spherical cage in the forest and enter
>it.Perform an inverse transformation with respect to lion. Lion is in
>and we are out.
>
>Thermodynamic Procedure:
>We construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows
>everything to pass it except lions. Then sweep the entire forest with
>it.
>
>Integration Differential Method:
>Integrate the forest over the entire area. The lion
>is some where in the result. So differentiate the result PARTIALLY w.r.t
>lion to trace out the
>lion
>
>Software Engineer Method:
>
>Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If
>anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it
>to Lion.
>
>Indian Police Method:
>
>catch any animal and interrogate it to accept that its a Lion.
>
>
>GOT FRUSTRATED
>
>Now lets kill the lion...
>
>Rajnikanth-Chiranjeevi Method :
>
>Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack
>anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
>
>Ramarajan Method :
>
>Remove the make-up and put it over lion. The lion will die
>notwithstanding that heavy weight.
>
>Jayalalitha Method:
>
>Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM
>and kill it, while it's sleeping !
>
>Manirathnam Method (director):
>
>Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put
>the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.Keep murmuring
>something in its ears. The
>lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
>
>Karan Johar Method (director):
>
>Send a lioness into the forest. our lion and lioness
>fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to t he
>forest,followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and
>the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
>Now send another lioness(third) into the forest. You
>don't understand right...
>ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont !
>
>Yash Chopra method (director):
>
>Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a
>good scenic location.
>
>Govinda method:
>
>Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
>
>Rahul dravid method:
>
>Ask the lion to bowl at u.U bat
>for 200 balls and
>score 1 run.
>
>Menaka Gandhi method:
>
>save the lion from a danger and feed him with some
>vegetables continuously.
>
>George bush method:
>
>Link the lion with osama bin laden and shoot him.

LAFFING LINES

2006-11-10T16:50:00.000-08:00

1)
Kal jab mile thhe....
to dil mein hua ek sound.
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain...
your file not found! *

2)
Jo muddat se hota aaya hai,
woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi
ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga...

3)
Shayad mere pyar ko
taste karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa cut kiya
ke paste karna bhool gaye...

4)
Laakhon honge nigaah mein
kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...
Mere pyaar ke icon pe
kabhi to double-click karo...

5)
Roz subha hum karte hain
py! ar se unhe good morning...
Woh aise ghoor ke dekti hain
jaise 0 errors aur 5 warning...

6)
Aisa bhi nahin hai ke
I don't like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein
No more disk space.

7)
Ghar se jab tum nikale
pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jaane kitne dilon ka
ho gaya Server down.....

FUNNY LINKS

2006-11-05T06:39:00.000-08:00

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

http://www.huhahi.com/fun/funny_male_toilet.html

http://www.smileorlaugh.blogspot.com/

U HAV TO LAF

2006-11-05T06:34:00.000-08:00

Santa: Yaar hum sardaar ka bhi koi iman wan hota hai ki nahi, ye log khali hum pe hi joke kyun banate hai. Bangali pe kyon nahi banate.

Banta: Are bangali pe joke kaise banayenge tu bhi na....

Santa: Kyon kya hua.....

Banta: Tu bhi na yaar pura sardar hai....

Santa: Are bata na yaar kya hua...

Banta: Bangali ko joke samajh me aata hai....

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

40 Sardar bus se mahbaleswar picnic jaa rahe the...

Bus kharab ho gai driver ne bola dhakka lagao
Sab sardar utar kar dhakka lagaye lekin bus aage nahi badhi..

kyon....

Aadhe samne se aur aadhe piche se laga rahe the

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bahu: Maan ji, yeh abhi tak nahin aaye, kahin kisi dusri ladki ke saath... Saas: Arey kalmuhi, tu hamesha ulta kyun sochti hai? Aisa bhi to ho sakta hai ki kisi truck ke neeche aa gaya ho........

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

10/2/2006 6:44 PM Ravan was sent to court & was askd to
keep a hand on geeta.
He refused saying: sita par hath rakh
kar itni musibat aayi ab geeta par hath
nahi rakhunga...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Musharaf, Manmohan, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia are travelling
in a train.

The train goes through a tunnel and it gets
completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and
then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The
women and Manmohan are sitting there looking
perplexed.

Musharaf is bent over holding his face, which is red from
an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and
nobody says anything.

Sonia is thinking:
These Pakistani are all crazy after Aishwarya. Musharaf
must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper
that she slapped him.

Aishwarya is thinking:
Musharaf must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia
instead and got slapped.

Musharaf is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya.
She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

Manmohan is thinking:
if this train goes through another tunnel I will make
another kissing sound and slap Musharaf again ...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the very next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriend's and none of them confirm that.

Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!
Conclusion of the story: Men are better friends!!!!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

LAUGH MORE

2006-11-05T06:23:00.000-08:00

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?

Manager: Sorry, but i can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You
see, I won't be of much help anyway!!

Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.

Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.

Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?

Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!

Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!

LAUGH A LITTLE

2006-11-01T17:22:00.000-08:00

1. If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,

if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your

stupidity.

----------------------------------------------------

2. I was born intelligent - education ruined me.

----------------------------------------------------

3. A bus station is where a buses stop.

A railway station is where trains stop.

On my desk, I have a work station....

what more can I say..........

----------------------------------------------------

4. If it's true that we are here to help others,

then, what exactly are the others here for?

----------------------------------------------------

5. Since light travels faster than sound,

people appear bright until you hear them speak.

----------------------------------------------------

6. How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

-------------------------------------------------

7. Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.

----------------------------------------------------

8. One should love animals. They are so tasty.

----------------------------------------------------

9. Save water. Shower with your girl friend.

----------------------------------------------------

10. Love thy neighbour. But don't get caught.

----------------------------------------------------

11: Behind every successful man, there is a woman.

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

----------------------------------------------------

12: Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

----------------------------------------------------

13: The wise never marry,

and when they marry they become otherwise.

----------------------------------------------------

14: Success is a relative term. It brings so many

relatives.

----------------------------------------------------

15: Never put off the work till tomorrow,

what you can put off today.

----------------------------------------------------

16: Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.

----------------------------------------------------

17: Children in backseats cause accidents.

Accidents in backseats cause children.

----------------------------------------------------

18: "Your future depends on your dreams". So go to sleep

----------------------------------------------------

19: There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.

----------------------------------------------------

20: "Hard work never killed anybody". But why take the

risk !

----------------------------------------------------

21: "Work fascinates me". I can look at it for hours !

----------------------------------------------------

31: God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our

friends.

----------------------------------------------------

32: When two's company, three's the result !

----------------------------------------------------

33: A dress is like a barbed fence.

It protects the premises without restricting the

view.

----------------------------------------------------

34: The more you learn, the more you know,

The more you know, the more you forget

The more you forget, the less you know

So.. why learn

---------------------------------------------------

35: Q: What's the difference between Biology and

Sociology?

A: When the baby look like the father, its Biology.

When the baby looks like the neighbor, its

Sociology.

======================================================

36: Q: What is the difference between a good secretary

& an excellent one?

A: A good secretary says, "Good morning, sir." & an

excellent secretary says, "It's morning, sir.