A Wife's Work

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total
mayhem in his house. His three children were outside,
still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty
food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door
to the house. Proceeding into the entry,
he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded
against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring
a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys
and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was
spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor,
a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of
sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more
piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may
be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her
lounging in the bedroom, still curled in bed in her pajamas,
reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how
his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked,
"What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered,
"You know every day when you come home from work
and ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes" was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!!!"

Newspaper Classifieds, Funny Advertisements

Funniest News paper Classifieds (Actual extracts from classified
sections of city newspapers)

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. (man….if only I knew A B C….)

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll
never go anywhere again.
(sure…thanx for the warning!)

3. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. (check it out)

4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. (howwww sweeeet)

5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)

6. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey….who taught cows the bad habit??)

7. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by
hand. (nice work!)

White Hair

>One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Then why are ALL of grandma's hairs white?"

Smart Old Woman

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding.... ......
Older Woman: "Is there a problem, Officer?"
Officer: "Ma'am, you were speeding."
Older Woman: "Oh, I see."
Officer: "Can I see your license please?"
Older Woman: "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
Officer: "Don't have one? "
Older Woman: "Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. "
Officer: "I see.......Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. "
Older Woman: "I can't do that. "
Officer: "Why not? "
Older Woman: "I stole this car. "
Officer: "Stole it? "
Older Woman: "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner."
Officer: "You what? "
Older Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: "Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!" The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: "Is there a problem sir?"
Officer 2: "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
Older Woman: "Murdered the owner? "
Officer 2: "Yes, would you open the trunk of your car, please."
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: "Is this your car, ma'am?"
Older Woman: "Yes, of course, here are the registration papers." The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a driver's license and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: "Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner."
Older Woman: "Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too."