Wat a Confusion

> Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
> Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
> Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
> Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to
> me. Who is this?
> Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
> Operator: I know you are someoneand you want to talk to anyone! But
> what's this urgent matter about?
> Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wanthat our brother Noe Wan
> was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is
> beingsent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the
> hospital.
> Operator : Look, if no onewas injured and no onewas sent to the
> hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this
> hilarious but I don't have time for this!
> Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
> Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
> Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
> Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..
> Caller: Oh ......God!!! !

11 september

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept: Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that........
Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

Another Joke

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."

The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks:
"How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours."

The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half."

The guy leaves.

The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the
shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing
hysterically.

The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house."

ARE U BORED?

If u r feeling bored, try these things.

Act like you just met your friend for the first time
***
Announce your candidacy for President
***
Annoy total strangers
***
Ask a question nobody can answer
***
Bark at people in the grocery store
***
Be a monk...for a day
***
Burp the Happy Birthday song
***
Change your name...daily
***
Dare to be stupid
***
Exorcise a ghost
***
Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov Cocktail
***
Go to your local museum, and try to get kicked out
***
Hold your hand
***
Insist everyone calls you “Your highness”
***
Kiss your elbow, if you can
***
Practice your arm pit farting skills
(Advanced participants try with your hand cupped on the back of your knee)
***
Pretend you are God
***
Read a book a sentence a day
***
Scratch yourself - Go ahead, scratch yourself now.
Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?
***
Throw a huge party for no reason at all
***

WORDS WOMEN USE

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.



Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.



Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".



Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!



Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".



That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.



Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

Proud to be an Indian

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to china.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in japan. There, at a very large
cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

"O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to pakistan, srilanka, russia, Germany and France.

In every church he saw the same golden telephone
with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided
to travel to up to India to see if Indians had the same phone.

He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
"Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone
in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven,
but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a local call".

A Woman's Secret.........

There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a
shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband
never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day
the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not
recover....
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the
shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money
totalling $25,000.
He asked her about the contents.
"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the
secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you,
I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears.
Only two precious dolls were in the box.
She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving.
He almost burst with happiness......

"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this
money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling all the dolls..."

MEN & WOMEN

Men and Women

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck withothers.

Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just “An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you.

FEW LINES 4 U

.
A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but
a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her
LIPS are CLOSED.


2.
One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3.
Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4.
Love your friends not their sisters. Love your
sisters not their friends.


5.
A man got 2 wishes from GOD.
He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6.
What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says "YOU are the BEST
KISSER among all your Friends."

7.
Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No,we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

9.
Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.


10.
When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask
him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in
Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11.
Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per
Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

DONT TAKE OTHERWISE

Coolest doubt in Mahabharat


In some remote village of India, one masterji is
teaching the

Mahabharat katha to class 6 students.

He is at the krishnajanma' part of it. Masterji:
"Kansa heard the

akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill
him.

He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki
behind the bars.

First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning...


Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain
peak. Third one

is born." Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts
up his hand.

Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)


Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt
in Mahabharata

then how come u have one?"

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child
was going to

kill

him,

WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME
CELL ??

Masterji fainted.........................

HOW 2 CATCH A LION

How to catch a Lion:
>
>Newton's Method:
>Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is
>equal and opposite reaction.Implies you caught lion
>
>Einstein Method:
>Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.Due to higher relative
>velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
>Now you
>can trap it easily.
>
>Schrodinger Method:
>At any given moment, there is a positive probability that lion to be in
>the cage. So set the trap, sit down and wait.
>
>Inverse Transformation Method:
>We place a spherical cage in the forest and enter
>it.Perform an inverse transformation with respect to lion. Lion is in
>and we are out.
>
>Thermodynamic Procedure:
>We construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows
>everything to pass it except lions. Then sweep the entire forest with
>it.
>
>Integration Differential Method:
>Integrate the forest over the entire area. The lion
>is some where in the result. So differentiate the result PARTIALLY w.r.t
>lion to trace out the
>lion
>
>Software Engineer Method:
>
>Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If
>anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it
>to Lion.
>
>Indian Police Method:
>
>catch any animal and interrogate it to accept that its a Lion.
>
>
>GOT FRUSTRATED
>
>Now lets kill the lion...
>
>Rajnikanth-Chiranjeevi Method :
>
>Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack
>anytime. The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
>
>Ramarajan Method :
>
>Remove the make-up and put it over lion. The lion will die
>notwithstanding that heavy weight.
>
>Jayalalitha Method:
>
>Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM
>and kill it, while it's sleeping !
>
>Manirathnam Method (director):
>
>Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put
>the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.Keep murmuring
>something in its ears. The
>lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
>
>Karan Johar Method (director):
>
>Send a lioness into the forest. our lion and lioness
>fall in love with each other. Send another lioness in to t he
>forest,followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and
>the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
>Now send another lioness(third) into the forest. You
>don't understand right...
>ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont !
>
>Yash Chopra method (director):
>
>Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a
>good scenic location.
>
>Govinda method:
>
>Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
>
>Rahul dravid method:
>
>Ask the lion to bowl at u.U bat
>for 200 balls and
>score 1 run.
>
>Menaka Gandhi method:
>
>save the lion from a danger and feed him with some
>vegetables continuously.
>
>George bush method:
>
>Link the lion with osama bin laden and shoot him.

LAFFING LINES

1)
Kal jab mile thhe....
to dil mein hua ek sound.
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain...
your file not found! *

2)
Jo muddat se hota aaya hai,
woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi
ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga...

3)
Shayad mere pyar ko
taste karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa cut kiya
ke paste karna bhool gaye...

4)
Laakhon honge nigaah mein
kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...
Mere pyaar ke icon pe
kabhi to double-click karo...

5)
Roz subha hum karte hain
py! ar se unhe good morning...
Woh aise ghoor ke dekti hain
jaise 0 errors aur 5 warning...

6)
Aisa bhi nahin hai ke
I don't like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein
No more disk space.

7)
Ghar se jab tum nikale
pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jaane kitne dilon ka
ho gaya Server down.....

FUNNY LINKS

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

http://www.huhahi.com/fun/funny_male_toilet.html


http://www.smileorlaugh.blogspot.com/

U HAV TO LAF

Santa: Yaar hum sardaar ka bhi koi iman wan hota hai ki nahi, ye log khali hum pe hi joke kyun banate hai. Bangali pe kyon nahi banate.

Banta: Are bangali pe joke kaise banayenge tu bhi na....

Santa: Kyon kya hua.....

Banta: Tu bhi na yaar pura sardar hai....

Santa: Are bata na yaar kya hua...

Banta: Bangali ko joke samajh me aata hai....

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

40 Sardar bus se mahbaleswar picnic jaa rahe the...

Bus kharab ho gai driver ne bola dhakka lagao
Sab sardar utar kar dhakka lagaye lekin bus aage nahi badhi..

kyon....

Aadhe samne se aur aadhe piche se laga rahe the

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bahu: Maan ji, yeh abhi tak nahin aaye, kahin kisi dusri ladki ke saath... Saas: Arey kalmuhi, tu hamesha ulta kyun sochti hai? Aisa bhi to ho sakta hai ki kisi truck ke neeche aa gaya ho........

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

10/2/2006 6:44 PM Ravan was sent to court & was askd to
keep a hand on geeta.
He refused saying: sita par hath rakh
kar itni musibat aayi ab geeta par hath
nahi rakhunga...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Musharaf, Manmohan, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia are travelling
in a train.

The train goes through a tunnel and it gets
completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and
then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The
women and Manmohan are sitting there looking
perplexed.

Musharaf is bent over holding his face, which is red from
an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and
nobody says anything.

Sonia is thinking:
These Pakistani are all crazy after Aishwarya. Musharaf
must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper
that she slapped him.

Aishwarya is thinking:
Musharaf must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia
instead and got slapped.

Musharaf is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya.
She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

Manmohan is thinking:
if this train goes through another tunnel I will make
another kissing sound and slap Musharaf again ...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the very next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriend's and none of them confirm that.

Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!
Conclusion of the story: Men are better friends!!!!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

LAUGH MORE

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday


Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?

Manager: Sorry, but i can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You
see, I won't be of much help anyway!!


Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.


Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.


Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?


Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!


Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.


Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!

LAUGH A LITTLE

1. If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,

if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your

stupidity.



----------------------------------------------------

2. I was born intelligent - education ruined me.



----------------------------------------------------

3. A bus station is where a buses stop.

A railway station is where trains stop.

On my desk, I have a work station....

what more can I say..........



----------------------------------------------------

4. If it's true that we are here to help others,

then, what exactly are the others here for?



----------------------------------------------------

5. Since light travels faster than sound,

people appear bright until you hear them speak.



----------------------------------------------------

6. How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

-------------------------------------------------



7. Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.



----------------------------------------------------

8. One should love animals. They are so tasty.



----------------------------------------------------

9. Save water. Shower with your girl friend.



----------------------------------------------------

10. Love thy neighbour. But don't get caught.



----------------------------------------------------

11: Behind every successful man, there is a woman.

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.



----------------------------------------------------

12: Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.



----------------------------------------------------

13: The wise never marry,

and when they marry they become otherwise.



----------------------------------------------------

14: Success is a relative term. It brings so many

relatives.



----------------------------------------------------

15: Never put off the work till tomorrow,

what you can put off today.



----------------------------------------------------

16: Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.



----------------------------------------------------

17: Children in backseats cause accidents.

Accidents in backseats cause children.



----------------------------------------------------

18: "Your future depends on your dreams". So go to sleep



----------------------------------------------------

19: There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.



----------------------------------------------------

20: "Hard work never killed anybody". But why take the

risk !



----------------------------------------------------

21: "Work fascinates me". I can look at it for hours !



----------------------------------------------------

31: God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our

friends.



----------------------------------------------------

32: When two's company, three's the result !



----------------------------------------------------

33: A dress is like a barbed fence.

It protects the premises without restricting the

view.



----------------------------------------------------

34: The more you learn, the more you know,

The more you know, the more you forget

The more you forget, the less you know

So.. why learn



---------------------------------------------------



35: Q: What's the difference between Biology and

Sociology?

A: When the baby look like the father, its Biology.

When the baby looks like the neighbor, its

Sociology.

======================================================



36: Q: What is the difference between a good secretary

& an excellent one?

A: A good secretary says, "Good morning, sir." & an

excellent secretary says, "It's morning, sir.